Rantings, mostly…

Firstly, why am I not considered American because I like hot dogs with a plain bun and relish only? Several of my macho American (not to be confused with Native American) associates claim that I am unAmerican because I don’t slobber over a fat foot-long with sauerkraut, chili, shredded cheese, sweet pickle relish and onions, smothered with not only ketchup, but mustard as well.

I like every one of those items, just not on my miscellaneous pig-part stuffed skin.

And what is it with Americans (namely backwoods hillbillies or rednecks) thinking that chili is made with noodles?

I mean, isn’t that considered spaghetti? Or noodles with meat sauce for those who care to play semantics.

My wife just came back from her parent’s house and her father sent home some “chili” for me and our daughters. Now, I won’t lie… I ate it all. Firstly, I’m not a picky person and willing to try most anything. Secondly, it tasted great.

Do you see the problem here? Or am I the only one who knows this is not chili? And yes… the hot dog was included in the dish. I actually had to eat it seperately. Mixed with beans, onions, hamburger meat and what I assume was tomato sauce it tasted horribly.

Note:
My father-in-law is a redneck. Self-proclaimed and proud of it. He’s also one of the least bigoted and best men I know (look who married his daughter!). I’m quite proud to know him actually.

Where does it say that if you were portrayed in a great movie or television show decades ago that you can never, and I mean never… star in another film of decent quality? I don’t mean film quality. I mean quality of the plot. A few examples:

Judd Nelson - Has he done nothing worth watching since The Breakfast Club? I’ve noted he was in several good movies and a fairly decent television show (which doesn’t count in this example) but played moronic characters. Or perhaps it was merely his acting ability? R.I.P. Breakfast Club.

Luke Perry - I don’t believe he has done anything worth mention (unless you call made-for-tv Sci-Fi channel flicks worth mention) since Beverly Hills, 90210. Woah, wait a second. Did I just call that show… good? Ugh. Okay, how about 8 Seconds?

Richard Dean Anderson - MacGyver… (sobbing) MacGyyyyvvveer!!

That’s it… I cannot write anymore.

Dear Jules Verne,

I am so sorry that people do such horrendous things to your wondrous works of art. You must forgive them though. Hollywood does strange and horrible things to people.

Now, I don’t know exactly where in your book gigantic insects and arachnids stalked and attacked the inhabitants of the island or where exactly Captain Nemo decided to build a Doomsday device, but I assure you… it made someone some money.

That seems to be an interesting marketability in Hollywood today. Take any good deceased author’s work and butcher it soley for the purpose of hype. However! You must put the original label on it so that all the lovers of the book will flock to it like lemmings over the edge or cattle to the slaughter… either way they get screwed.

This reminds me of the new Pontiac GTO or the Dodge Charger. How dare these bastards take something so many of us hold true and dear and twist it grotesquely into some nightmarish aberration solely for the purpose of marketability. At least with the movies no one gets to see how ridiculous it looks until after they’ve spent their money.

I have one final thing to say and it is to Hallmark and Patrick Stewart…

…and it is… have you no shame!?

You know, you’d think ever since Vanilla Ice stole David Bowie’s and Queen’s “Under Pressure” that people would have learned to stop doing this shite by now.

The newest car advertisement for Infiniti shows this little Asian fellow painting with a calligraphy flair, renditions of their newest car line in a tribal fashion. All the while lovely ephemeral silk curtains are blowing softly in non-existant wind.

The commercial is actually significantly longer than their online advertisement, which can be found by clicking the title of this post. You can still get a feel for it however.

Oh, and what did Infiniti ripoff? “Hero” also known as “Ying xiong“. One of Jet Li’s newest movies.

Where is it found?

Nameless seeks Broken Sword to scribe for him the twentieth variation of the symbol for “sword”.

and…

After a siege on the castle with Falling Snow, Broken Sword’s edge finds the King of Qin’s throat.

My wife has always thought it was so hilarious that every “young brotha” or “gangsta” in general seem to always wave, smile or posture at or towards me.

Firstly, whilst I may be familiar with the ghetto, I do not associate myself with hand-waving, pants-sagging hooligans with little to no verbal skills.

Secondly, what exactly is wrong with the world today that makes every (and I do mean EVERY) Black person try to associate with me instead of the Caucasian standing to my left? Or the Mexican to my right? It’s amazing to me.

It’s also amazing to me that these are the same people who spout how horribly oppressed they were because of something someone they have never known did to an ancestor of theirs that they never knew (or might not have even had).

It’s this rampant idiocy that perpetuates the lifestyles of thugs and gives them an excuse to do some of the horrible things they do.

I hate being associated in this way because of the things that those in my age group have done.

Then again, the countless redneck, backwoods sister-humping associates of mine who always coin “hey man, you’re not a nigger… you’re cool!” are just as socially and mentally handicapped as the aforementioned.

NOTE: I don’t bother with trying to be politically accurate/correct. So, if I have offended anyone… please, feel free to navigate away from this page. To those Blacks who wonder why I wouldn’t say Afro-American or African American, well here it is.

Afro-American was a label created by Malcolm X which most Blacks do not deserve. Concerning African American, I highly doubt anyone currently in America who wasn’t born in Africa knows a thing about Africa and therefore do not deserve this label either.

To all of my country brethren, yes, I know you don’t all hump your sisters. Some of you hump your brothers.

To all other ethnic varieties that didn’t receive honorable mention, get over it.