Rantings, mostly…

For a long time I’ve enjoyed Tom Hanks movies. Well, until I saw “Cast Away” that is. It wasn’t that it was a horrible movie, but it was horribly long, horribly boring and horribly loses itself amongst it’s plot.

One key thing that I just loved about the movie, since I could identify with talking to an inanimate object (and sometimes receiving a more literate correspondence than you would otherwise with a real person) on more than one occasion, was the creation of Wilson.

Yet, strangely something still nagged at the back of mind. Why does that seem so familiar? I’ll tell you why. It’s a direct ripoff of the movie “The Blue Lagoon“.

And here I thought, amongst all of the steadily decreasing uniquely imaginative ideas that spawn in Hollywood today, surely Tom Hanks would not be privy to it. Just goes to show you what I know and what making over a million dollars on a semi-crappy movie will make you do.

Where is it found?

Emmeline (Brooke Shields) is weaving a Wilsonesque coconut husk head with palm frond hair, whilst Richard (Christopher Atkins) plays with their beautiful toddler, Paddy (Chad Timmerman) on the beach.

I was watching a show called Toddworld with my daughters yesterday. The description for the show was:

Toddworld
“Dirt Day; Mr. Cuddle Wuddle” 2005
Vark seems to be missing, but he’s actually enjoying a holiday of his own.
(Educational)

For the record, I had initially thought that Toddworld was a wonderfully entertaining and at times a healthy influence. Now, I’ll explain what particular issue I had with this. In the second half of this episode (”Mr. Cuddle Wuddle”), the entire premise is about Benny (the dog) being worried that others won’t think he’s “supercool” if they know he has a security blanket. After ten minutes of him worrying about what others think of him he finally gets a reprieve when one of the puppies who has now claimed ownership of the blanket offers it to Benny because he’s feeling down. The episode ends and here comes Todd to proclaim to the world that having a security blanket, a ba-ba (pacifier), something else (I forgot) or whatever is in fact cool.

Um… no, it isn’t. Even for my eight, five and four year old. They said so! And I fully believe that is simply a moronic thing to teach a child. Sure, let’s teach our children the properties of an addiction at an early age. That will help clarify the justification for the heroin flowing through their veins when they are thirty and homeless.

A few other episodes of interest are “Todd Takes A Stand“. In this episode Todd confronts a Bull(y) that refuses to wait his turn in line and demands that one of his friends stay off the slide because he is simply too slow. Sure, in this day and age, teach my child to get the shite beat out of them because their mouth writes checks their arse cannot cash.

Here is one where if they were to explain a little bit more it would have been just fine. “It’s OK To Lose Your Mittens“. Um… no it’s not. It would be more appropriate to say “I won’t bathe you in hot oil if you lose your mittens” or maybe even “It’s OK to lose your mittens as long as your hands are in them and Don Guido will gladly give them back if I pay off your gambling debts in a timely fashion”.

And, what actually cemented the thought that I would write this, is watching “The Sissy Duckling“. It’s basically the ugly duckling story with a homosexual twist. To add to that, Harvey Fierstein is the one who plays “Elmer”, the sissy duckling. This mini-movie wouldn’t be so bad except for the fact that they focus on it being okay to be unique (NOT different), and that it is nothing to be ashamed of. However, the only thing unique about this duck is that he likes to wear gaudy clothing, is a self-proclaimed “sissy”, a lover of art and is extremely effeminate.

To me, a sissy is one who might jump at the site of a cricket or scream when they see a mouse. Or much like my oldest daughter, crying at any sign of negativity.

“Sweetheart, you need to play the lowest octave of D in a more pleasing manner. Have some tempo about it and cleanly pluck your strings. Be proud of the music which emanates from your instrument.”

“Darling, there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of in the dark. What makes you think that a monster is going to get you now, when you surely made more noise at an earlier age?”

The last of which she replied: “They’re probably letting me age so that I’m ripe”. I guess that’s what I get for teaching her about anything food related.

That simple series of statements however, sends her into an epileptic fit of sobbing. This is somewhat indicative of a sissy. Not being a flaming duck.

Harvey Fierstein even won the HUMANITAS prize for this movie. Which in this case seems to reward him for propogating an overly feminine air. In life and in general, this may not be a bad thing. However, when we teach our children these things, we are simply corrupting what chances at life they may have had. If my daughters decide in life that they wish to pursue a path belying a heterosexual lifestyle then I am all for it. Just let them learn what they like or want themselves. Don’t make cartoons particularly geared towards these ideations. Make a damned movie that teaches parents to be more appreciative of the life they created and help in making those choices for their children.

Besides, they may someday bring Daddy home a lovely lass.

I’ll simply say: Times have changed. Educational programming needs to do the same thing.

Or… “Mouse-monkeys and the corporation who bastardized the evolution of computer users everywhere”.

It’s a well known and simple fact among computer users around the world that the Windows operating system makes people stupid. Well, at least those of us who know how to use something aside from this overly tolerant operating system.

A case in point, UPnP (Universal Plug n’ Play). Affectionately known as “plug n’ pray”. This is the lovely little service that allows you to install hardware without actually having to install it properly. God forbid you manually install and waste another two minutes learning a miniscule task.

This was evident in a recent article I looked up. It said a handy way to get the “install new hardware” wizard tray icon to disappear was to disable UPnP. Well heck. I was game. After rebooting however, none of my USB devices nor my PCMCIA NIC (Network Interface Card) would work properly. Now, this is mighty strange in my book, especially since I manually installed the devices.

Or how about when manually updating drivers Windows decides that a generic Microsoft driver is better than the one created specifically for that particular device and the “rollback driver” procedure says FU to the LCD.

Another disturbing and highly noteworthy area of discussion. I recently helped someone through a series of Outlook problems (and bear in mind, I’ve never ran, seen or had installed the Outlook program) and their main question was:

“Do I need HTML to view the pictures my friend has online?”

How in the world does someone even learn to ask a question as ridiculous as this? Or how about:

“How do you Copy/Paste your MP3s to your WWW so that they are copyrighted and people can only listen to them, not record them?”

Again, I am disgusted that Windows has done these horrible things to people. The majority of help-related documents you find in Windows usually refer you to firing up some obscure wizard of one form or another. Then, if you’re hell bent on actually learning something you could always refer to the Microsoft Knowledgebase where a bevy of more complicated documents lay within your already uneducated grasp.

It’s like starting a baby off learning how to program in assembly, to play an orchestral instrument or perhaps learn two languages at once.  It’s simply poor parenting.

Bad Microsoft! Bad!

A few links of interest on this and other subjects:
Why XP Is Bad - Which just so happens to be the exact operating system I was referring to.

Why Windows Sucks - Simply a better (although dated) explanation of a similar attitude.

Computer Stupidities - Other Hardware - See what I mean? I can assure you, these were all Windows users.

Computer Stupidities - Just making sure you don’t forget about the rest of the aforementioned site.

Google search - why windows sucks - Still don’t believe me? Try this simple Google result.